If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
We left the knife in your bed.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
