the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
