I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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