Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
