I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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