i may or may not be watching the land before time
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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