He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
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We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
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But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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