I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
