Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Dicks are not precious.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
