I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
