I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
