her vagine was all disorganized.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
