Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
