My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
