WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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