I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
