The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
