White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
