If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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