why do cheetos always look like penises
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
a search helicopter?!
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Randomize
