A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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