And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
