Dude my mom stole all your condoms
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
