it was like eating out sand paper
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
