Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Randomize
