i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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