dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
