Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
