So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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