last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
