So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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