my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
How external is "for external use only"?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
