You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I didn't notice because vodka
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
