Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
They have beer where we have blood.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
