I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
