What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
