I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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