I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize