I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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