Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
