Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
