if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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