new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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