My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
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Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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