u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
