he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
