Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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