Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
