Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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