Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
