we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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