Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
