Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
