Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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