Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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