oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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