i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
We named our party play list daddy issues
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
