So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
